A Love Letter to Media

February 12, 2016


Roses are red
Bowie’s eye shadow is magenta
It’s a love letter to the media
The Newsroom plus 50 Cent-a

Come for the hot takes
Cause we’re spittin’ hot fire
It’s an industry we love to hate
For not writing after news hits the wire

They deal with our emails
Our phone calls and our pitches
We’re tenacious and unrelenting
Some stone cold bottom line b*tches

Despite our complaining
Lamenting over why you never write
You’re still the first thing on our mind each a.m.
And the last thing every night

We know you have your marching orders
You need clicks and social sharing
So don’t think our 15 follow-up notes
Are symbols of us not caring

We too have our bosses
Both in-house and with our clients
Sometimes they’re startup CEOs
Who act like FORTUNE 100 giants

They want the New York Times
For their new funding, website and app
And no matter how many downloads and sales
They still want that top-tier dap

We know you know we know
You hate when we ask if you’re covering
We just hope you know we know you know
That we love you despite our smothering

Because we’re not different, PR and media
Throughout this No Spin Zone dance
We’re in this together, to the end
In this purely physical embargoed romance

So we’re sorry we double pitched your co-worker
About an app that’s more interactive
It doesn’t mean we still don’t love you
You’ve never been more attractive

We’re just under a lot of pressure
Our clients want a lot of stuff
So sometimes we’ll do anything to get them coverage
“Say, you’re looking really buff.”

Even now I’m left pandering
Complimenting you to garner interest
But seriously, if you cover this launch
I’ll make a love album for you on Pinterest

In the end, we respect the hell out of you
And apologize for any annoyance
In the future we’ll be much better
I know this from PR clairvoyance

Until that day comes
With Valentine’s Day now here
We hope you understand
We truly hold you dear

Despite what you may think
Our love for you is true
And now that I’ve got your attention
Have I got a story for you…..


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